May 2010 - November 2010

 10 May

One day closer

Head over heels in love

It is what it is - not my timing and I'm at peace in one sense, but longing in another.

When we adopted in 2008, we were told China was closed to us.  Yet, one month after we returned, China started calling again, but I said, can't be, we've been told, it is closed to us.  Try as I might, it would not, could not be buried, but kept coming back, calling me and so I was puzzled as to what it was.  After several months I said something to my wife about it, but still we were then both puzzled.

Then Memorial Day weekend, 2009, 3 things happened that transformed me.

I've heard tell of folks saying God opened certain doors for them.  In July, minding my own business, I landed on a web site about China and found a door of possibility, when I didn't even know a door was there.

More events happened, and the first record I find in my files regarding Star is 9/15, but the timing was not right, and then she was put on hold by another family, then suddenly not.  Finally my wife and I talked about the files of three 8 year old girls, on 11/19 and on 11/20 I contacted Madison that we were ready to move forward to adopt Star.

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, the words started coming, for later consumption, of my telling to Star - my heart for her.

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Sunsets

I used to love sunsets,
I really, still do.
But looking to the west,
I beyond it see,
My little daughter waiting for me.

Another day has passed,
A day we could not share.
The sun sets, yet still I stare,
I beyond it see,
My little daughter waiting for me.

Sunsets, sunsets, how many more?
Until I hold you close,
Sharing life with you?
Another day has passed, but
I beyond it see,
Sunrise – my daughter and me!

Tim, 6 Jun 2010

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Point of Light

The sunlight now faded from sight,
The shadows of night ascending,
How will I find my way to you,
My little daughter waiting for me?

Twilight comes,
My little daughter wonders,
May I show baba the way?
Dusk settles, night comes.

The night grows darker,
A whisper echoes in my ear,
My little girl calls to me.
Baba?  Baba?  Do you see?

I stare into the night sky,
Her words haunting me.
There, high in the sky,
My special Star, lighting the way!

- Tim, 9 Jun 2010
Inspired by a friend

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9 Sep

Last night - as I was putting our son to bed - he asked one of those questions - that puts one on the spot.

Yu-Hsuan - Daddy, does Star love me?  

Baba - She doesn't know you yet.  She has seen pictures of you.  In time, I'm sure she will, once she gets to meet you.

Yu-Hsuan - a sweet smile.

Now each night we go through the ritual of me talking to him in Chinese and English and after him I do the routine on the sheet beside his pillow with Star in mind.  After I do this, he leans over and kisses the sheet portion that I've been pointing to as I say this -

Wo ai ni.
Wo ai Star.

I love you.
I love Star.

Star ai baba, ma?
Star loves baba, dui?

All I can tell him at this point is that each day, we are one day closer to her.

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Anniversary

A year ago today -

We found what we had sought - two children.
A boy.  A girl.

Two days later, devastation.
The words stung - matched with another family.
Gone, a son.
Written a week later -
http://taiwanpromise.blogspot.com/2009/10/someday.html

Grace and mercy followed.
Thirty seven days passed,
My heart strings tugged
by a little girl half a world away.

In the latter days skittish to open mail,
Not wishing to see - matched.
Emotions about to burst,
dear spouse, may we review three files?

All girls, all eight, all beautiful.
Coming back to you though,
over and over I did.

Your file I held until last.
You had my heart.
Mama asked, what do you want to do?
I said, I want to adopt her.

Mama said yes that day and
now we are so close to bringing you home.
http://taiwanpromise.blogspot.com/2009/12/home.html

The son lost, is home now too.
Not forgotten, though not with us, always in our hearts.

- Tim  13 Oct 10

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5 November

An email comes, from a family home with their new daughter.

There is a link to their blog.  I follow it and see in the heading a
picture of the new girl amidst the siblings.  I 'know' this girl from
somewhere else.

In the body though begins the pictures of the new one home, and
further down her new siblings.

Why do tears form?  Why does the screen go blurry?  This girl is home,
with her forever family.

Perhaps they are happy tears, for this little girl, home.
Perhaps they are longing tears for my own daughter, who I wish was home.

Why?  Please tell me why tears form.

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