The Door

China was calling.

Since the brothers fell through and then the one boy fell through as well, I started a path, to find 2 children. It seemed right to be seeking a boy and a girl.

We had another boy in our sights but no particular girl. Concentrating my efforts towards a known quantity I sought to get his name correct, for we only had it written down what it phonetically sounded like. We also sought a picture so we could seek his file. That information arrived in late September.

Meanwhile though I was also educating myself on Special Needs, finding many not to be the big scary things their names might imply to the uneducated but ones that we felt we could parent to, once I understood them. My wife in her job as a speech pathologist had come in contact with many SNs but I had not, thus I joined various Yahoo groups to ask many questions about various needs. With each series of questions asked, I was slowly able to build a laundry list of SNs we felt able to parent to.

Yet even though the education process was ongoing, I started looking at children's pictures, mainly girls.

On 9/15 a friend asked me if someone would be interested in Star. Again on 9/17 the same question, advocated her name to me. Her name became mentioned on the agency list on the same day and mention of one of her videos as well. I commented that her laughing video was the best.

Meanwhile, the search for the boy's file with picture in hand began in earnest on 10/1. The friend of 9/15 had suggested I contact a friend of hers who had contacts in China who could assist in the search. With name, location and picture in hand, I contacted this person who through contacts was able to confirm the boy's file had been sent upstream to CCAA.

10/13 - Notice received from agency looking for boy's file that his file had been found at CCAA. I was asked if we still wanted him. Yes, 100%. Elated I came home with the wonderful news.

On 10/13 agency rep posted that Star was off hold and asked folks to contact them if interested. Interested I contacted the agency.

On 10/15 - news came that the boy had been matched with another family - and we were crushed. A boy we had come to love with only a picture, a dream - was getting a family, but not with us. Notice was given that if for whatever reason the adoption didn't hold up, that we be placed on the queue to adopt him.

Yes, Providence had shown us a door we didn't even know existed. We took the ball and ran with it, instead of seeking guidance.

Looking back, I believe that in mercy we were given Star on the same day the boy's file was found because He knew that the boy would fall away from us.

On 10/20 a new post from the agency, saying Star was still available, so I resent my 10/13 email and the dance began, a more concentrated effort to select a child.

I fired questions back and forth to the agency, explained our circumstances - in the midst of an open ended adoption, time wise from Taiwan.

In early November, I started showing files to Tian, to get her reaction. Three girls - 1 - she doesn't smile; 2 - I want to be the oldest; 3 - intrigued by the same birth date, different year (Star), then said, that she liked the one older than her more.

By mid November two more girls were presented for review and so at some point I mailed the files to my wife of all 3 girls. I had been told the first one of the lot was knock down dead gorgeous and she was flat out. There were medical issues though that were rough and our area was not the place to bring a child with those sort of issues. She was also in a country that is hard to adopt from even in the best of circumstances.

Child two was a heart child, post operative but there was no connection that I could see from reviewing her files. It just wasn't there.

In a letter to a friend in mid-November I wrote in part: "We adopted our daughter at age 8. She'll be 10 next month (yep, same day as girl 1 above) [some would call that co-incidence, but I call it a God thing. Why would this girl above, of all the others pull at my heartstrings? Still my wife has to be on board before we can move forward.

Our son's adoption still in progress which will complete some time next year is 7 but turns 8 in January.

When I was 8, I moved from the only home I had known, to another area of the country where customs, people were different than what I was used to. I was though moving with my family instead of complete strangers.

For some reason, known only to God, it seems we are called to minister to children 8 years old or thereabouts - to adopt until He closes the door.

I know we've been called to adoption. I know that we've been called back to China and that He has now opened two doors for us, that we thought forever closed. Now all we need to do is step through those open doors. I do not have all the answers to the questions my wife raises. I can figure some of this out on my own but I have to wonder, if I do, how does that make me any different than those who don't know Jesus? It seems to me that God should get some glory out of this and if I figure it all out on my own....I guess my prayer would be that my wife, who is now the nuts and bolts person while I am the heart person, would step out in faith and let God take control of our situation."

Three days later, 11/19, I sat down with Ellen and looked at the three girls files. The first girl reviewed and why we would not proceed to adopt her, came out quickly. The second girl, the heart one, also discounted for us.

And last there was Star (Ma Hengxin). I explained her status of health.

At the end, Ellen asked me, 'What do you want to do?" I said, "I want to adopt this girl."

Thus began the path to Star.