Friday, August 6, 2010

The Tug

Minding my own business one Sunday morning, in April, 2008, just a few weeks after our return from China, with our daughter, Tian, a gentle tugging began on my heart with regards to China. At first I tried to dismiss it, but it persisted. I wasn't sure what the tug was about but I knew it was about China. It couldn't be another child because the rules for adoption changed as we were in the process for Tian and those over 55 could no longer adopt from China.

In the weeks and months following the tug would come back from time to time, persistent, without warning. Tears would form and fall. It got to the point I neither cared who saw or who noticed.

I tried to figure out what this was about and after several months of this, shared my thoughts on this with Ellen. I told her, try as I might I just could not figure it out.

Time rocked on as we began our new life as a family of 3, enjoying our daughter. In August, 2008, we met a former roommate of hers who had been adopted out before Tian. Summer rolled into fall and I wrote the orphanage director where Tian was adopted, sending her pictures I had taken of Tian that summer.

The orphanage director wrote back about a week later to say that Tian's roommate, whom we met, on Gotcha day, had been adopted by a family in the USA. Why I did not write back for more information, still amazes me. I began to ponder how to find a child in this country, adopted from China, her name no doubt changed.

Finally I posted the info I had on a group of people who had adopted from the same orphanage and waited. The end of the year rolled around and 2009 was upon us.

In an effort to find a sibling for Tian, we searched several countries but where unable to come up with a girl, not that they weren't there, we just couldn't find them. Finally seeking out our first agency in January, we were asked to consider a boy and thus began our quest for our son detailed in - his blog.

Time marched along until Memorial Day weekend at the end of May when two emails arrived 12 hours apart with the subject lines saying - 'Our daughter roomed with your daughter in China.' It was an amazing couple of emails.

We made arrangements to get the girls together in late July at their home a day's drive from us.

About two weeks before we went for our visit with them, minding my own business, I stumbled upon a web site page that said it might be possible for those previously aged out of adopting from China to get a waiver for age. I was astounded.

We drove to this couple's home near the end of July just in time to celebrate their girl's birthday. Talk naturally turned to adoption, how they came to adopt their child, how we did ours.

The girls started visiting talking about the various children they had both known and the girl we were visiting, telling Tian who was gone and who was still there. At some point the girls started talking about two brothers. The Mama of the girl spoke up and told us that after Tian was adopted two brothers came to the orphanage after their parents were killed in an auto accident.

A couple of days later, my wife in talking with me suggested we look into adopting the two brothers. First I had to find out if we really could get a waiver for age, or if I had just dreamed it. I wrote the agency on whose site I had found this amazing statement and sure enough was told that such may be possible.

The more the girls talked though we slowly realized that the boys were not bio brothers but orphanage brothers. However, we 'knew' one of the boys from pictures with our daughter. Thus I
wrote the orphanage director to see who our daughter knew was still there. She in turn informed us that the boy we knew and a roommate of our daughter had been adopted locally.

The neat thing of this whole experience though was that at the moment we started talking about adoption again and adoption from China, the tug ceased. If I tried to 'change' the subject, not pursue adoption, the tug started again.

China was calling.